789 words | 4 minute read
The “self-interview” approach to job hunting is a very popular prep tactic for folks who are trying to figure out what their career search should entail. You sit down and ask yourself a bunch of questions like, “What did I love about my previous job?” or, “What kinds of tasks do I enjoy doing the most?” Hopefully, by the end of the “interview”, you have a better grip on what you should focus on for your job search.
I wondered if the same could be done for sex. After all, trying to figure out what you want/like sexually is not that far removed from trying to figure out what kind of job you should pursue. The following 7 sex questions are perfect for someone who is having regular sex sessions but maybe not feeling totally fulfilled by them. Sit down with a cup of tea and write down your answers to these 7 sex questions…you might be surprised by your answers!
How many sex partners have you had and how are they different from one another?
One thing I’ve found in life is that a lot of people stick to one type of person. A 20-year old college girl may have had sex with 10 different guys but they all were from her college, in their 20′s, liked sports, etc. So, essentially, she’s had sex with 10 guys who are all very much the same. I know generalizing like that is not a good idea but it paints a picture: how much sexual experience do you really have?
Is there a sexual fantasy you have that you can immediately explain if someone were to ask what it was? What is it?
Everyone has sexual fantasies. Even if they’re something simple like, “I want to have sex in a hot tub” that fantasy is super important. If you have no desire to expand your sexual horizons then what’s the point of even having sex at all? Having sex the same way all the time and making no effort to try new things is the direct cause of people simply not caring about having sex anymore, which I think we all can agree is bad. If you haven’t thought about your sexual fantasies, start. Right now. This second. When you’re confident that you can say in a few sentences what experience you are really excited to have, you’ll be golden. And, when you’ve had that experience, come up with a new one.
When was the last time you had a discussion about your sex life with your partner(s)?
You have to talk about sex. It’s just par for the course and if you try and slink through life avoiding actually having an up-front conversation about penises, vaginas, dildos, handcuffs, etc., you are only shooting yourself in the foot. I’m always astonished when I hear from people who are genuinely terrified of bringing up sex with their partners, especially when they are in long-term relationships. Obviously sex is not football: you don’t need to have carefully drawn out plans for every move. But if you want to really get anywhere in your sex life you need to talk about it.
How often are you having sex and is that more, less, or just the right amount of sex that you’d like to be having?
This is a no-brainer. If you answer anything besides “just the right amount” then have a conversation with your partner right away. In fact, even if you answer “just the right amount” have a conversation with them about how you’re so happy that you are so in sync with your sex drives. Above all, have a conversation!
What was the worst sex you’ve ever had?
I phrased this question that way because asking about the best sex you’ve ever had is probably pretty difficult, but most everyone can remember the worst. What made it so terrible? Are there things that happened then that you’ve successfully avoided repeating? Are there things that happened then that have crept into your life somehow…or maybe never left?
Think of your typical sex session with your partner(s). What is the best part about each session?
You’d be surprised how different these answers can be for people. Women can be surprised when men answer “foreplay” and men can be surprised when women say “the man ejaculating”. Everyone is different and it’s important that you know what your partner is most looking forward to so you can give that part the focus it deserves.
Give these questions some serious thought and then hand them over to your partner(s) so they can do the same. You’ll either be having better sex in no time at all or maybe come to some realizations about the strength of your sexual relationships…